Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Wife the Teacher

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but
the best birth story I know is the
one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get
over shyness and usually,

show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,
pictures of fish they catch, stuff
like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it in to school
and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the
front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
a seed in my Mom's stomach, and
Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind
her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh,
oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a
hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

' My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica
lies down with her back against the

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got thirsty, and it just blew up
and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs
spread with her little hands mimicking
water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was
covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center,
(placenta) so there must be a lot
of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for
crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in
case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices....laugh and close this page or pass this along
to someone else to spread the
laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!!!!

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